someone threw a dead crab at me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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