you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
