i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
