You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
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thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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