A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
All the doctor said was why
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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