I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
