We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
