She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
