We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
