Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
