This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
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