I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
