If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
