God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
