Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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