maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
