Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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