He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
