dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
