hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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