matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
why does every cop we meet know your name?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
