For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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