South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
