I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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