Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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