So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
