Fine. I'll sleep in my office
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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