Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
