I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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