I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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