I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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