Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
