i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
