Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
