I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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