how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
