i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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