please come you make the beer taste better
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
