there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
