Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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