I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
