He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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