Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
