all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
