I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
