it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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