please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
