True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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