It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
