it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
