Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
