I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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