Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
