I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
