Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
