when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
