it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
