i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
