So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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