her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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