Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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