I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
