dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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