no you cant smoke seaweed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
