Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
