That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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