She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
