i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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