i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
